


The Things I Do For Kudos

by regnant



Series: Of Stag's Velvet and Lion's Blood [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: But With More Incest, Canon Incest Pairing, F/M, In Which Jaime and Cersei Discover People Writing "RPF" About Them, Incestion!, International Fanworks Day 2019, Modern Westeros AU, My First Shot At A Humor/Parody Fic, Sibling Incest, This Fic Is Basically Inception
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 14:18:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17809538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regnant/pseuds/regnant
Summary: Jaime and Cersei discover the hundreds of worlds in which they exist, and find a new way to enjoy themselves in this one.





	The Things I Do For Kudos

**Author's Note:**

> Our 1300th fic for the tag! I'm so proud of all of us, guys! <3 <3 <3
> 
> This fic was written for the #IDF2019 IFDrabble Challenge! Naturally, I had to have Jaime and Cersei discover the fandom that would interest them most: the one that is literally about them! If anyone hasn't heard about the event, the prompt is available [here](https://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/12218)! This fic is my first shot at humor and contains some kink references, as well as lighthearted fandom commentary. (I even made fun of myself a little!) That being said, take it for what it is, please. I hope that you all enjoy!

“Jaime.”

He turns his head toward the source of the voice. Cersei waits behind him, leaning against the doorjamb, wearing a green nightgown and an irritated expression. Jaime knows that he’s been at the computer too long, that that must be why she’s cross.

He doesn’t move to close the laptop, though, at the sound of her voice. He only speaks. “Yes, sister?”

“What are you doing?” Her brows wrinkle and press together at the bridge of her nose. “I mean to say, what have you _been_ doing?”

He holds up one arm, opening his fingers wide in a gesture of welcome. “Would you like an explanation, or would you like to see?”

“I don’t want to play games with you, Jaime.” Cersei comes closer toward him, bare feet sinking into the plush carpet of the bedroom. “I’ve already put Myrcella and Tommen to bed, you know. You’ve been at this for quite some time.” She bristles. “Whatever it is.”

“Come and see.” He beckons her over. “You… might like it, or you might not. I’m not sure.” He laughs. “Tyrion thought you would hate it, I think that might why he showed it to me.”

“Tyrion?” That entices her. He can hear her steps as they come, knows when she is next to him without looking for her. He catches the hem of the satin nightgown, tugs her closer—gently, though. He knows better than to damage the material. It is a favorite, and she is already annoyed. “What is it, porn or something?”

“Porn?” He snorts. Tyrion does pursue things besides women. Sometimes. “Don’t tell me you think I trade nudies with my own brother.”

Cersei’s eyes are large, her mouth shut, as she waits for him to realize what he has said.

 _Oh, but gods, can she be ridiculous._ “That’s hardly a fair comparison, Cersei.”

“Tyrion is a _gremlin_ ,” she says, breaking her silence but not her contempt. “I do not put anything past him.”

“Yes, well, this isn’t porn. Well, not exclusively.”

“Jaime!” Her long fingers grasp at one corner of the thin screen, much less delicately than he has taken the hem of her clothing. “Tell me you’re joking!”

“If you break my computer, I won’t be able to show you, now will I?” He pulls back against her grip, naturally, but only so firmly. Too much force, and the thing will topple onto the floor.

“And wouldn’t that be a shame?” Her lips purse as he takes the laptop back, leaving her fingers empty and sweeping her on top of him with his free hand before either of them can blink. “Jaime—“

“You talk too much, sister, when you should listen.” He settles back into the easy chair, waits for her to stop resisting and relax in his arms, because he knows that she will.

“Fine.” She says the word as though she is passing judgment, because it feels better to relent than to be thwarted. “Have it your way.”

Jaime can live with that, even if he might have enjoyed a little struggle. Their banterous romps tend to have even happier endings. “Fine,” he agrees, infinitely more quietly, ruffling the thick blonde hair curling at the back of her neck. “Look.”

Cersei studies the webpage in front of them. He watches her take in the red header, the logo and menu items along the banner. “Archive Of Our Own? As opposed to what other archive?”

His hands rests atop hers. “Ever heard of fanfiction?”

Cersei looks puzzled, and she does not try to hide it. “I’ve… heard of fiction.”

Jaime smiles. “I hadn’t either, but apparently, there’s this entire website where people just post fictional stories they’ve written about characters they don’t even own…”

Blue light flits over the green pools of her eyes as she begins to read, to understand. “Wait, are those _our_ names?”

“Or, in some cases,” Jaime finishes, “real people.”

“Real people?” She looks at him now. “How can that be allowed?”

“Oh, I’ve read their about page.” Jaime nods sagely. He’d had the exact same questions. “They’ve a whole team of lawyers protecting the rights of the content creators.”

“Rights?” She shakes her head. “What rights could they possibly have to our likenesses? Our persons?”

“Just take a look before you get upset, Cers.” He nuzzles her neck, kisses it. “A lot of them have you as the queen.”

“The q—“ That stops her dead in her tracks. “How do you mean?”

“You heard me. _The_ queen.” Her breaths come slowly and grow less and less predictable. “The way that we used to have kings that truly ruled. Sat the Iron Throne by divine right and kept absolute power and all.” His hand slips over her thigh, caresses the black and grey tattoo of that very same throne, the one she’s dreamt of since they were born. “People picture you like that. Some of them, anyway.”

Cersei is entranced. “Show me.”

Jaime clicks on the relationship tag he has pulled up onscreen, her name and his, separated by a slash. “There. They’re all here. People tag them so they’re easy to find.”

“Thirteen hundred stories?” Her crimson-painted lips form a perfect circle of surprise. “About us?”

“As of this latest one, yes.” Jaime points with his index finger at the work at the top. “Some of them are more realistic than others. Some of them are quite cute, and some… sad, and in-depth.” Many of the stories are not exclusively about them, of course. Quite a few are just many different fictions about different people plopped into one collection. “Those tags give you some information about what kind of content you’ll find if you open the fic.”

“Fic?” She nods her head, understanding the meaning of the term by context as soon as she asks. “Hmmm, alright.” They page through the stories, looking for things that might stand out. “Oh, this one is about us in a… ‘Southern Gothic AU?’ Whatever that is.” Cersei pulls faces from time to time, presumably at the names of some of the other people they’ve been paired with (which do unfortunately show up in the tag from time to time,) but does not deign to voice her distaste aloud. Jaime is grateful for that. “Oh, some of these are _kinky_.” Cersei’s eyes are afire. “Bondage? Public sex?!” She is overflowing with glee. “Oh my! …Spanking, hm, well, that’s not that kinky, but…” She pauses, blinking. ”—fisting—?“ Her mouth gapes. “Jaime, how can they know?! That was one time, and not that long ago…”

“They don’t know,” he reminds her. “They only f _antasize_ , and besides… in that one, they actually have the, ah, order of things flipped around a bit.” Jaime nods toward Cersei’s crotch, wiggling the fingers of one hand as they grip her belly.

“Me?” She raises a hand, dismissively. “Do they not understand how big your hands are?”

“Not as intimately as you do.” He’s wearing that shit eating grin she loves and hates so much, and she slips her fingers along his mouth. He bites her, and she snarls, pinching his lip in retaliation before kissing it. “You can filter by the word count if you want to see the longer, plotted ones.”

Cersei does as he instructs, making changes in the dropdown and refreshing. “This one is over a million words.”

“Yes, but that one isn’t mainly us—we’re just a background pairing.”

“Background—you’ve really been studying this.”

He does not answer, only keeps scrolling, still on a quest for something interesting. “Oh, look, this one is a crossover with… Star Wars? And real people?” He pops it open in a new tab. _For later._

Cersei seems less than enthused. She’d always liked Star Wars better before Leia had begun dating Han, anyway, so it doesn’t surprise Jaime that she scrolls on by. “Oh. This one here… has fashioned Father as some ruthless crime lord.”

Jaime nods. He’s already bookmarked it. “Yes, that one did look promising. Full of sex, actually, but the author hasn’t updated it in a few years. I’m not sure what happened.”

“Jaime, can’t you see? You’re missing the point, this is awful!” Her teeth are set, her lips straight and joyless. “It’s not even truly fictional.”

“No one knows,” Jaime reminds her. “Father is infinitely careful, some imaginary world on the internet is hardly going to stir rumors.” _Father would object to the sex more than anything, after all._

“Well, all the same, we—we will put a stop to this! We can sue for defamation of character! Send a cease and desist, and—“

“We could,” Jaime allows. Their father is the most powerful man alive, and doubtless owns every lawyer that the Archive currently claims as their own. “But do you truly want to do that, sweet sister?” Jaime slips his hand between her thighs, rubbing his crotch back and forth against her hip. “Or would you rather read the naughty bits first?”

With a harsh glance and a harsher kiss, he has his answer.


End file.
